I won't bore you too much
with my first 16 years of my life,
(that's an entire books worth) but
at that same age, I met my first partner, and was soon pregnant . As a young
girl I've always wanted to be a good wife and mother & being deeply
religious at the time, I thought I had committed a terrible sin (sex
before marriage) And felt that my "punishment" would be too stay with
this guy forever.
I was beaten almost everyday for 5 years.(Among other things)I had 2 sons to
this monster before I was 18. Still I felt I could "change" him because
I longed for the time after the beatings where he was sorry &
showed me affection.
He would switch violently between moods and I can't tell you how many
things my head has been through! I've had my fingers
broken, toes, ribs, cheek. I was also stabbed by him on my 21st birthday, as he went for my throat, I put my arm up and
that's where the blade landed.
My children where terrified!I cried &
cried daily, lost most of my hair, & weighed next to nothing &
lost more and more confidence.
I don't tell you this for pity, but I want you too understand that my
life has never been easy and until I broke free of ridiculous
relationships as hard as it was, I would find myself dead . Simple as
that.
I finally did leave, and as I had nowhere to go I stayed with my sons at
a women's shelter .There I got back on my feet and started to recover. My
second relationship lasted 7 years & I had one more son. Although
this guy never beat me (praise god) he was financially and emotionally
damaging- just really a plain jerk about life. Once again I stayed thinking
"at least he doesn't hit me!"
Still he hurt me in the worst way possible for a mother-he took my
youngest child and has never let me have him back. I can visit
with him now as often as I like, however from the time my son was 2 till
he was 7 I barely saw him.
Court case after court case I begged the
courts too see my son.They granted me access however when I would
arrive, no-one would be there. This happened time and again.
I always dream of a happy home for my children, a place where there was
no fear and no arguing!I never ever thought I would find that
especially since all the damage that these two men had done to my self
confidence & my reputation.
All the while I was doing readings for others but still feeling like
something was missing.How could I help others when I couldn't help
myself? Why was my son taken from me when I live and breathe for
them?All lessons I had too find my own answers for.
Over the last 10 years through study & struggle, I found the secret
to being ok with everything that has happened to me .
I've learnt that we are never punished for anything by God, but
we punish ourselves over & over again by having unnecessary guilt
& pain, by staying with abusive people and hanging around negative
influences.
When we ask our Angels to guide us, all of these things seem
to disappear-we make better choices, we analyze our actions,we release
guilt, and we learn too trust again.
So how do we meet the right person? Easy, we teach ourselves to be the right person for someone
else, we become what we would like as a perfect partner & yes, before
you know it, we are happier than we have ever been.
But the most important thing is too love ourselves from top to
bottom(even if the bottom has gotten dimples over the years)
You will need to accept yourself before anyone else can ! This is by
far the hardest of all! Then one day when you are going about your
business,you will perhaps get invited to some event you may not want too attend, and there will be
your soul mate-staring you in the face!
How will you know? You will just
start to buzz .I mean your whole body will actually tingle, you
will feel as If you have known this person forever .There will be
no nerves only pure happiness.This will be mutual so if you are smiling
away and tingling and they are trying to get the heck out of there, then
obviously its not it!
When its real you both will feel like you are on another planet that you guys are the
only ones on it. There is also an unspoken vow of love forever-and the
rest just falls in place.
The only way to true love that lasts forever is that you are both
heading in the same direction in life and that you both are trying to
develop your own spiritual awareness.
If you are Spiritual and your
partner is not, you will never really be able to express anything to
them you will never fully grow as you would and because of this you
will always resent them.
Obviously even in the best soul mate relationship, it doesn't run smooth
all the time-but there is never any yelling there is just simple talk
to each other and best ways to solve things.
Everything should be gentle
with each other every day a new day to love.
Finally, I found my perfect soul mate (life Partner) quite by accident.
I had been a
single mother for 5 years raising my two older sons alone. I also
worked to support us and did private readings for people.
Like everyone
else I had a good time and loved to sing karaoke.!
It was November 2007
and my older boys where 15 & 13, and I went for a visit to my
mothers.
While I was there, my son's dad (the one who beat me) turned up. These
days he has a whole other life but every 3 years or so he tries to be
nice. Anyway, he asked me to visit an old friend of ours.One I hadn't
seen since I was 18.
I was curious as this would be out of character to
go anywhere with him.For some reason I just had too go. There was no
stopping me, so I went. I'd forgotten what he had looked like but
remembered that all the girls would gush over him. His place was 10
min's drive.
( coincidence?) As soon as I walked in he looked at me. I
nearly died. Wow is all I can say. The problem was my ex was right
there (and we already know what a nut he is.)
But it didn't seem to matter.We where both the only two people on the
planet.We where at ease talking to each other.He was everything I had
ever wanted and more.We couldn't stop talking and really, that was it.
One month later on New Years Eve 2008 he proposed to me. After Which,I
moved home,400kms with the boys straight to him. We were married in Aug
2008, and have never had a day that we didn't fall in love again.
Obviously It wasn't easy for my husband or any of us in the beginning
but he never showed anything but kindness too us all and continues to
amaze me with his patience.
Being on my own for so long allowed me to
become who I am today but having the right partner has enhanced this
1000 fold.
I'm now able to live my dream of running Devine Miracles and
helping others who may be guided to me or relate to my life somehow. I
was going to edit this text and make it short and sweet but I realized
that it may be helpful to someone who has been in similar situations or
has felt like I did.
I will be talking more in the future about inner
emotions that can tear people apart among others but bit by bit I pray
that whoever are reading these articles, are starting to get the
picture.
That a switch is turned on in your head and you see how you
can turn everything in your life into miracles, now that you have learnt
to trust yourself and the advice that you know to be true in your
heart. Everything changes.
Wishing you all Bright Blessings
BDevine®
